Humour - Jokes 2
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I've found out the real reason: I am tired because I am overworked. The population of this country is 58 million. 24 million are retired. That leaves 34 million to do the work. There are 20 million at school, which leaves 14 million to do the work. Of this there are 7.5 million employed by the government, leaving 6.5 million to do the work. 2.7 million are in the armed forces, which leaves 3.8 million to do the work. Take from the total the 3,770,000 people who work for Local Authorities and that leaves 30,000 to do the work. At any given time there are 20,000 people in hospital, leaving 10,000 to do the work. Now there are 9,998 people in prison. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
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Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big brown bear. The brown bear said "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the brown bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
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This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student who received the highest honors at the school district's ebonics translation competition.
Assignment: Please translate the following Rap song lyrics from Ebonics to standard English.
Artist: Notorious B.I.G. Album: Ready to Die Song: One more chance (remix)
Lyrics:
First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks
Translation:
As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds,
including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes.
I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewellery.
Lyrics:
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit
Translation:
I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.
Lyrics:
Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
Translation:
Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons.
I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts.
Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia.
I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me.
I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses,
and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.
Lyrics:
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break
Translation:
I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and
jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars.
This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me.
I am able to insert my p***s further into you when I enter you from behind.
Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a
problem with your current sexual partner. He needn't be concerned about your
whereabouts.