Humour - True Stories
Strange But True
When his .38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again, Happily for most concerned, this time it worked
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Labourer Alexander Robinson of Alabama, redefined the limits of tactlessness when he opened his eyes after surgery to restore his sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'boy, you sure have got fat in four years
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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little peremptory hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself He tried the machine out and lost a finger The chef's claim was approved
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Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down the other side, and found himself in the city prison
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Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leaped from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car
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A prison escapee in Utah surprised officials at the state penitentiary by calling them long distance 'just to see how things are'
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In Bermuda in 1975 a man on a motor scooter was knocked down and killed by a taxi. Exactly a year earlier the same driver in the same taxi, carrying the same passenger, had knocked down and killed the motor-scooter rider's brother, on the same street, riding the same scooter
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The town clerk in London commissioned some efficiency experts to suggest methods for reducing municipal expenditure. After an investigation, the efficiency experts submitted a report stating that the most efficient saving could be achieved by firing the town clerk
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An American tourist in South America had the decidedly grave misfortune to be attacked by Killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leaped into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish
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The day after leaving Wisconsin, for a vacation in Florida, Thomas Kilpatrick won first prize in a local charity draw. His prize was a vacation in Florida
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A Malaysian monkey that had been trained to gather coconuts from trees demonstrated a pressing need for a refresher course when it leaped onto the shoulders of a passer-by in Kuala Lumpur and tried to twist his head off. The passer-by was treated at a local hospital for a sprained neck
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In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his toy pistol
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A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her dead
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After shooting and wounding his wife and young son, Louis Pilar of Rheims, France, told police that a three-week strike by television technicians was to blame. 'There was nothing to look at, 'he explained, and I was bored.' Fortunately his wife did not seem to mind being shot at, from her hospital bed she said: 'I don't blame my husband, It really was very boring in the evenings
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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws,. While they went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her "brains" in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.